Archive | Guest Columnists

Three-Year-Old Sara Electrocuted at the Pearl Continental Hotel

Posted on 11 June 2010 by Spatziano

By Ernest Dempsey, Staff Writer

When 3 year old Sara went with her father to the most famous hotel in the country, the Pearl Continental (PC) Hotel, no one knew that she was moving toward her own death. A while after entering the hotel, she was not the jolly, playful child anymore but a cadaverous mass stranded between life and death. She was electrocuted on the floor of the hotel while she played there with a few other kids and now is lying on deathbed in a hospital awaiting God’s mercy to return her to life.

It is Meher Bokhari of SAMAA TV again, the one journalist in Pakistan who raises issues that no other dares to raise, who in her popular show News Beat, dated June 08, 2010, shook up the entire nation once again by covering the story of 3 year old Sara, the victim of the country’s most famous hotel’s negligence, telling how the poor child went with her father to the PC hotel in Lahore on 29th May, 2010. As her father sat at a table, Sara and a couple of other kids were attracted to the aquarium in the hotel’s hall. Fascinated by the colorful fish swimming in the aquarium, Sara and the kids imitated the act of swimming on the hotel’s floor, entirely unaware of death lurking next to her.

There, rolling and playing fish on the floor, Sara received a life-threatening electric shock from a decorative light. Her father’s glance caught sight of the child lying motionless on the floor. He rushed to his baby and found her lifeless, her pulse and heartbeat miles away. And when he asked for help, to his shocking disappointment, this topmost hotel of the country had no arrangement for an ambulance or any first-aid specialist, not even an ordinary doctor or any kind of emergency service that would get the poor child some quick medical help.

The unfortunate father had to pick his dying daughter up in his own arms and rush to the nearest hospital to save her life. Later, he would shift her to a major hospital with the help of an ambulance that arrived after much effort. Now, poor Sara is struggling for her life in coma for over 10 days while her parents are praying for her day and night. Meher Bokhari almost cried for the suffering of the child, and the nation cried with her. People called on phone to express their sympathies with the parents and prayed for Sara. But what about the hotel and the authorities?

Well, it turns out that the hotel has altogether denied the girl receiving an electric shock. While the doctor’s reports clearly mark electrocution as the cause of the injury, the hotel management states that it may be due to something the girl swallowed accidentally. The high position holders in the hotel didn’t even commiserate with the miserable parents. Sara’s uncle tried to file a report of criminal negligence against the hotel (it was over 200 volts of electric potential flowing through that lighting item, instead of harmless 10 or 12 volts, on the floor) but the police refused to file an FIR.

And media? The media that we consider the voice of the nation? They have been silent. Maybe they themselves would like to tell what gagged their mouths. But Kudos to Meher Bokhari and to SAMAA TV who brought this issue up and broke the apathetic silence over the tragedy – the silence that electrocutes worse than Sara. It is worth mentioning that during the show, a man with job experience in hotel management called and told Meher that these fancy hotels have no arrangements of any kind for dealing with an emergency and their staff is instructed to deny any responsibility on the management’s behalf in such cases.

Sara’s wounds are on the nation’s consciousness. She is stranded between life and death. Anyone reading this post is requested to pray for her, to wish her life. Her parents, so noble that during the entire show they didn’t say a even single bitter thing against anyone but just kept asking all to pray for their daughter, deserve all the prayers and good wishes of this nation.

This horror story is yet to appear in mainstream media (if at all). And of course, the next time you think of going to a fancy hotel in Lahore, please go in your personal ambulance to save yourselves the trouble of finding first aid in case your child’s life is endangered.

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Conservative Crybabies

Posted on 24 March 2010 by Spatziano

By The Wanderboy

You know what Republicans – stop bitching. You lost. Not that this should have become a war in the first place, but you made it that way.

Simple Fact #1: We already have social programs in this country. Passing universal healthcare will not turn us all into communists.

Simple Fact #2: If you are a diehard Republican all you care about is yourself. That’s a sorry existence. Why shouldn’t there be a healthcare safety net for everyone? If you were poor you would want one and if you are a poor Republican in the current context of the party, well you’re being used for your vote because nobody cares about you.

This all comes down to Republicans playing politics. The party has decided it hates Obama and they refuse to vote for anything he puts on the table no matter how beneficial to the American people. Great for the party’s image of “standing up against all things liberal,” but bad for the country. I don’t care what party you belong to, if you don’t have the interest of the people at the forefront of your agenda, you don’t deserve re-election and a paycheck.

Believe it or not ‘fiscal conservatives,’ preventative care saves money over time because many of the catastrophic treatments and surgeries that are so expensive don’t happen when people are properly treated. Conservatives seem so gung ho over preemptive attacks regarding war, but when it comes to preemptive attacks on disease and health issues they cry communism.

There was an older gentleman walking around my hometown this past weekend wearing a large shirt that read: No Obama Care. The graphic on the shirt displayed a large red star and hammer and sickle. First of all this guy is clearly old enough to be collecting SOCIAL security and he was walking with a bit of a limp so there is reason to believe he is using MEDICAID. Those are both social programs. If he really wants to be hardcore about it he should just kill himself instead of taking his weekly government check and buying an XXXL shirt and red and black textile paint.

The reality is that healthcare companies are charging outrageous sums to cover individuals. Anthem Blue Cross and Blue Shield’s profit was in the billions in 2009. Not revenue, PROFIT! In five years my monthly rate jumped 200%. Is that consistent with the rate of inflation? I think not. There have to be protections set in place by the government because in this instance the market is not controlling itself.

Healthcare is a concern for the government because it deals with the people. The government is in place by the people to protect the interests of the people. That is the point. Nobody complains that we have a program to protect us from foreign invaders (the military) so why not have a program that protects us from falling ill and dying?

The gloom and doom is all rhetorical bullshit. There were over 200 Republican amendments to the healthcare bill, which proves that they were willing to work on it and they knew it would pass, but they wouldn’t vote for it in order to keep up the image that they are determined to fight all things Obama.

Now they are threatening not to work with Democrats on other thing such as climate change. How old are you people? Do we have a bunch of first graders on the Republican side of the house and senate? You’re going to sulk like spoiled children when they get their toy taken away? Man up.

You are there to work for the American people. Never forget that.

I believe John McCain rode off into the sunset crying: “You haven’t heard the last from me on this issue.” No shit John, you never shut-up. When is the alien controlling that geriatric robot body of yours going to call it quits?

-The Wanderboy

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Toyota In Neutral

Posted on 12 March 2010 by Spatziano

By The Wanderboy

I just have to comment on this whole Toyota ordeal because there seems to be one thing that is missing from the accounts of these cars speeding out of control.

If my car was to start accelerating and I could not stop it the FIRST thing I would do is put it in neutral. You know, that big N on your shifting column? If you slide the shifter into that position, which you can do from drive on a Toyota and I know because I own one, it disengages the transmission. When the transmission is disengaged there is nothing powering the drive train i.e. your car will start slowing down. The engine would rev with the accelerator stuck, but you’re not accelerating anymore. Worst case scenario slam the damn shifter into park and ruin your transmission – at least you’ll be alive.

A few days ago a Pruis sped out of control on the San Diego Freeway and the driver slammed on the brakes, the cops got in front of him and did the same so that the car slowed down to 50 mph and he was able to turn it off. Why not flip that little shifter into neutral and hit the brakes? I didn’t read anything in the report of that incident that cited the driver unsuccessfully attempting to put the car in neutral. Just seems to make sense.

It is a bit ironic because at present the company seems to be stuck in the same position you should put your over-accelerating Toyota in: neutral. If Toyota weren’t so massive they would likely be done. Even now Hyundai, Mitsubishi and Nissan seem to be ramping up advertisements although they’re not keying in on the failure because they all know this sort of thing could happen at any time to any car company and then they would look like idiots to the general public. Nissan actually had a recall of its own a couple weeks ago.

Now Toyota is running a bunch of ads about loyal customer having bought Toyota’s recently and ensuring would be new car buyers that the company is safe and reliable. The campaign comes across as fake and Toyota is likely going to spend quite a bit of time cleaning up this mess and rebuilding its image.

The braking issue is entirely different. I suppose if you put the car in neutral it would start slowing down, but there’d be no way to stop immediately without brakes. You got your work cut out for you on that one Toyota.

On a side note, David Letterman did a skit with a Japanese guy pretending to be the CEO of Toyota on Tuesday night. It was not funny and was downright racist. I get that those nightly talk shows are looking to be more edgy, but if you’re going to do it at least make it kind of funny. There was nervous laughter and clapping afterwards, but probably just because of the big light up signs in the studio that tell people to do so. Come on Dave, you’re better than that.

-The Wanderboy

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Nightmare on My Street

Posted on 06 March 2010 by Spatziano

By Hot Mama

I’m eternally haunted by a story that mother-in-law has told me many times, more times than I would like to hear.

She was picking up my husband from Kindergarten and his teacher yelled to her across the parking lot “Mrs. Davidson! Mrs. Davidson, I need to talk to you!”  When the teacher approached, she said “You know that Kindergarten is NOT mandatory, right?” and then proceeded to discuss my husband’s difficult behavior while my mother-in-law listened, overwhelmed and mentally exhausted. I mean, seriously, who isn’t welcome in Kindergarten?

The reason the story haunts me is that I know this is my future. I feel like I’ve tried so hard to raise a child more like me – always the teacher’s pet, quiet, good listener, always willing to help. Starting at about the age of 12 months, I was told by my child’s daycare provider that he was hitting and pushing his friends.  Every morning when we drove to school I would have the same discussion with him “Do we hit Ava? No.  Do we hit Evan? No.  Do we hit Lukas? No.  Do we hit Jia? No.”  I was constantly told that it was a phase, that as he got older it would end.  The pediatrician recommended time outs.  I’ve bought every potentially helpful book out there, including No Hitting and Hands are Not for Hitting, and Let’s Share. To my sheer disappointment, none of these books have helped.  My son loves to read them, he will often ask for the No Hitting book, it’s a bedtime favorite.  Likewise, none of my conversations have made a difference.  If I ask my son whether it’s ok to hit his friends, he will respond with “No, it’s not okay.”  The next day, he will hit or push someone.

Today my fears came true.  I went to pickup my son and he was outside playing.  I asked the teacher how his day was.  She proceeded to tell me how he had been pushing the girls in class all day.  Specifically, he pushed the smallest girl in the neck and she fell into a bookcase, nearly knocking the wind out of her.  I almost cried.  I walked outside to where he was.  The other teacher came up to me and said “you know, I wrote on his report card but he has been pushing his friends a lot today, and I wanted to talk to you about what happened….” Thank god I was wearing sunglasses or I would have started bawling right there.  I said to her “I know, the other teacher already told me all the details.”  I got my son and I think she noticed I was bummed about it because she said “he had a really nice apology, with a big hug and it was really nice.”  Hmm, I guess at least he knows how to say he’s sorry?  When we got to the car, I said “Did you hit your friends today?” He replied “Yes.” I said “Is it ok to hit your friends?” He replied, “No, it is not okay.”  So the concepts are there but for some reason, they are not sticking.

Given everything I have been through, I wasn’t surprised to come home only to have the madness continue.  My son pushed his little brother over onto his head on the bathroom tile.  Then, as I gave them baths together, he stood up and peed right on his little brother’s head.  This prompted me to give him a time out, take away Thomas the Train for the night, and have several conversations on how we don’t push our brother or pee on our brother.  Will this work?  I don’t know, based on my historical experience I am not counting my chickens.

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Nickelback Battles a Pickle on Facebook…and loses

Posted on 04 March 2010 by Spatziano

By The Wanderboy

There is a war going on people and it is a war that is taking place on Facebook.  The contest is between Nickelback and a lone pickle.

You know Nickelback: that douchey rock band from Canada that has somehow become popular despite playing the shittiest music since…well I don’t know, perhaps ever.  I remember a few years ago someone sent me a music file in which a DJ had mixed two Nickelback songs together so that one played from the left and the other from the right speaker.  There was no difference!  They were the same song with the same melodies and a couple different guitar rifts.  It was like Vanilla Ice arguing that he hadn’t completely ripped off Queen.  Come on.

And of course you know The Pickle: that tried and true salty cucumber friend lying dutifully next to the sandwich for centuries.  Whoever put the pickle up against Nickelback was smart because while it is an unassuming foe who doesn’t like pickles?

I am happy to report that the Pickle recently eclipsed Nickelback and currently has about 100,000 more friends than Chad Kroeger and company.  The best part is that it took less than a month for the gherkin to amass more pals and not only are they making t-shirts to celebrate the event, but someone also got a tattoo of The Pickle.

How humiliating as a band to work for years to build a fanbase and then have so many people dislike your crappy music that they become friends with a pickle – no offense my man – and in one short month said pickle blows you away not because it is so cool, but because you are so bad.

I don’t care what Nickelback says, or doesn’t say in response to this, a couple long-haired, tight shirt wearing rockers will be taking a long hard look in the mirror on that tour bus.

Whoever did this I salute you.  I think the next Facebook battle should be a Twinkie versus Rush Limbaugh.

Here is a link to The Pickle’s Facebook page: http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#!/pages/Can-this-pickle-get-more-fans-than-Nickleback/282013353726?ref=ts

-The Wanderboy

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Glenn Beck is a Reploid

Posted on 02 March 2010 by Spatziano

By The Red Wolf

Target stores usually only carry books that have made it onto the New York Times bestseller list. All around the World, protruding out of one of these shelves is Glenn Beck’s master-crap Arguing with Idiots. The title itself oozes irony, seeing as Beck has proven himself time and time again as the crème de la crop of lame, ridiculous, yes-men imbeciles who have gone that extra mile in making sure nobody thinks outside the tube.
I mean – Jesus! – this guy has switched his position on so many issues, it’s amazing that people still listen to him. The only reason I’ve decided to drag myself out of bed to type out this column is because he makes $23 million dollars a year pumping out mindless nonsense that nobody, not even himself, believes in. And he’s only been on the air for a couple years! So I think to myself, damnit: This propaganda agent must be stopped!
Let’s take a look, for example, at his recent interview in USA Weekend magazine. When asked about Global Warming, Beck says “You’d be an idiot not to notice the temperature change.” Then goes on to say that it’s at least somewhat attributable to humans, which is a One-Hundred-and-Eighty degree turn from everything else he has said before. In the past, Global Warming Debunking has been a focal point of Beck’s show. Now he’s singing a different tune; snuggling up to the polar bears along with Al Gore.
Same thing happened with the FEMA Camps; those clandestine secret prisons being set up for mass internment once martial law is fully implemented (or so they say). Beck first expressed concern and warned cryptically of an impending fascist agenda. “There’s something going on in our Country, that is, it ain’t good,” he says, “I can’t debunk them.” Somewhere between those comments and the next taping of his show, someone – who’s presumed to have a helicopter parked upon the building – approached Glenn and told him that he needed to recant his statements. Beck then got off his knees, hired some guys from Popular Mechanics – who are always the experts on these subjects – and simultaneously dispelled the entire conspiracy, while throwing the rest of the believers, or non-believers, under the bus, and branding them as “nutjobs” or “crazies” or some other epitaph.
We could on and on. The Bailout? Cut, lunatic, go! – “I think the bailout is the right thing to do…The $700 billion dollar’s that your hearing about is not only necessary, it’s also not nearly enough.” As could have been predicted, Beck quickly switched his position once Obama got into office.
This behavior is commonplace. He’s a shill; a Big Government, Big Corporation yes-man who takes his orders from someone of authority.  His words are neo-conservative in nature, but to cover his bases, he calls himself a libertarian. And what does this so-called “libertarian” do to honest politicians, like Ron Paul – the only person in the political marketplace deserving of that title? He demonizes him and his supporters. His commanding officers in the FOX Deathstar demand that he repudiate everything Dr. Paul has to say, and he does just that; tagging them as “domestic terrorists” or that they’re “taking revolution a bit too literally.” I wonder if Janet Napolitano had sent that memo over to Rupert Murdoch’s desk personally.
I have only one conclusion: Glenn Beck is a Reploid. That’s right: He’s a robot with sophisticated bio-flesh fashioned over him. Every morning he’s taken out of the charging booth, located in the FOX basement, and is then programmed the entire show into his robotic brain. That’s why his policies and commentary contradict eachother on a regular basis. It also explains why he’s not at all embarrassed to get up there and do his little song and dance, Viking Helmet and all. I’m serious; if he isn’t a Reploid, then I don’t know what to make of him. Doesn’t he go home at night and look at himself in the mirror? Is there no shame? Is there no self-reflection? Does he ever think to himself “Is this how corrupt cops feel when they sell their partners out for dope money?” Nah, he’s a Robot – there’s no way anybody is that absent from the real world.
But isn’t there a better name for androids like him? James Cameron had his T-whatever models. George Lucas had C-3PO. Of course there’s Short-Circuit. Ah – I’ve got it! – we’ll call him “Flip-Flop.” There’s a name that perfectly suits his behavior. Everytime he’s on T.V. we can just say, “Oh that’s just Flip-Flop, don’t mind him, he’s not real.” And it would be true.

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The Wrath of Shamu

Posted on 27 February 2010 by Spatziano

The tragic death of Dawn Brancheau, a 40 year old whale trainer at SeaWorld in Orlando Florida, has the media hyperbole machine operating in full steam, looping the same footage for hours at a time, and evoking massive amounts of sympathy for those of us unfortunate enough to be paying attention to the regular news, and especially for those of us who have already come to an obvious conclusion: Animals don’t write “dear John” letters before they take someone’s life.

Brancheau had been “interacting” with the whale when the giant Orca, named Tikikum, jumped up, grabbed her by her ponytail, and began tossing her around mercilessly. She died from “multiple traumatic injuries” and hundred of spectators – including many children – found themselves affirmed of what they had been told on the tour; they are, in fact, Killer Whales.

This is not an isolated incident. Killer whales have a history of…well…killing. Tikikum has had blood on his fins in the past. He is personally responsible for the death of at least two other people. One of which was found naked, laying ontop of the 12,000 pound behemoth. Apparently, Tikikum just “wasn’t that kind of Orca”, and didn’t take kindly to the drunkard’s advances. The Chicago Tribune says that the whale is regularly kept in a separate tank, away from the others.

HNL has also mentioned the death of at least 22 other people in the past thirty of so years. That’s like taking a dead pool bet once a year on who’s going to be murdered. Reports of the amount of janitors murdered by this primitive creature are still pending. SeaWorld says that they are going to keep the whale, despite these findings.

As expected, the trainer-killing attractions have been temporarily shut down. But no worries, someone else’s little boy or girl will be traumatized next week
when they reopen. I’m almost willing to take the side of Bob Barker – a major animal rights activist, and perhaps an animal in his own right – as he urges the Parks to release the whales into the ocean.

Detectives are now investigating this as a homicide. There’s merit in that. If I left one of my young nephews with a pit bull, who’s foaming at the mouth and sniffing around for something to eat, I could be in the same predicament. Although, just maybe, if put a sign outside the door, indicating some sort of canine attraction – at a $1.50 a pop – I might be able to offer a legitimate defense when the police come hull my ass off to jail. Prosecutors are much more inclined to give you a break if you tell them there’s a business license involved. But I think in the end the Florida dics’ are going to come up with the same conclusion, and dismiss the whole ordeal as a rare occurrence, cite the insurance claim Ms. Brancheau signed before jumping in the tank, and be done with the entire thing. Treating this as a homicide is the right thing; it just won’t result in anything constructive.

Michael Harris, a professional in this sort of field, said in a recent interview, “Anybody who knows these whales, in the wild, like our whales out in Puget Sound, know that these whales travel 100-miles a day.” He further went one to say, “I mean, they’re constantly on the move.  You see them in large groups, sometimes up to 100 whales at a time…and you see them in the tanks in SeaWorld or other marine parks and there are a handful of them at best.” What he’s saying, for those not paying attention, is that these animals are constantly showing more and more psychotic behavior. And in the public arena, it’s and obvious danger.

There’s a reason why these professionals are warning against the domestication of wild animals. How many more people need to die? Or have their faces ripped off, as in the case of Charla Nash. How long will it be before we see lions being strapped up with leashes and taking a stroll around the block with their 70-year old owner? “Little Kitty was so sweet; he would never harm anybody – not even after he clawed at my throat and ripped my thyroid out.”

Email me at TheLastAnarchist@aol.com

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Obama Meets Dalai Lama Despite Pressure from Beijing

Posted on 22 February 2010 by Spatziano

By The Wanderboy

President Obama met with the Dalai Lama earlier this week in the face of repeated warnings from Beijing.  The meeting, held in the Map Room in order to partially soothe China’s sensitivity to the issue, still drew irate reactions from the Chinese government.

I don’t think that pissing off China is necessarily a wise political maneuver, but I do like the fact that Obama didn’t give in to pressure from Beijing to put off the meeting.  Obama needs to show some balls.  I prefer he do it domestically as well as on the international stage, but there was a little bit of that, “Fuck you, I’m the President of the United States and I will meet with whomever I please” kind of tone to the whole thing.  George Bush obviously perfected that tone to a detrimental level, but by the same token the United States remains atop the world and everyone looks to the President as the strongest political figure.

The fact is, aside from China owning quite a bit of US debt, the two nations need one another.  So this is a bit of a political chess match and not one that is going to greatly sour Obama’s reputation with many nations except, well, China.  The communist government has a long history of persecution against the people of Tibet.  Should the US stand idly be and let that continue?  We certainly haven’t done it in the past and I don’t think anyone else on the world stage is really going to care if Obama meets with the Dalai Lama to get his side of the issue.  The Chinese government is clearly attempting to block these meetings because it is afraid the truth will come out, which is of course all the more reason to hold them.

The US is still a nation that consumes greatly from China.  China is still a nation that produces greatly for the US.  They’ll figure it out.  I’m sure the Chinese ambassador is none too pleased and is getting an ear full, but that’s his job.  For now I’m glad Obama decided to wave a proverbial hand of dismissal in the air and meet with whom he pleases.

Now let’s get some of that on the home front damnit!

-The Wanderboy

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Sarah Palin vs. Family Guy vs. Sarah Palin

Posted on 18 February 2010 by Spatziano

By The Wanderboy

Sarah Palin is in the news again – it seems she’s doing all she can these days to find the spotlight.  Too bad for her alleged presidential run it is typically for doing something more likely to be featured on TMZ than CNN.

Palin is attacking Family Guy, via Facebook no less, for a recent episode in which Chris dates a girl with Down syndrome.  The girl tells Chris that her mother is the “former governor of Alaska.”  How stupid are you Sarah?  Do you honestly think Family Guy gives a sh*t and is going to apologize?

I completely understand that Down syndrome is no laughing matter.  Should Family Guy have run that episode?  It doesn’t matter because that’s not the point.  They weren’t making fun of people with Down syndrome in general – they were making fun of Sarah Palin.  It just so happens that her son is affected by the disease.  Family Guy wanted a reaction and she hit it out of the park.  When is she going to learn that every little battle cannot be fought?  Where is your publicist Sarah?  Fire him/her!  The first thing they should do is close your Facebook account.  This is why Sarah Palin cannot ever be allowed to become anything more than the hockey mom “governor” of Alaska – she is entirely too volatile about…everything.

Think about the possibility of her in the White House?  It is terrifying.  Every little thing anyone says seems to set her off and she’s not only ignorant, but also belligerent.  What could she possibly have to say at UN meetings other than, “I just think we should go to war.”  Will she conduct meetings with Russia via Twitter?  I mean if she can see it from her house, surely those little beams of Twitter messaging can get there, right?

The more Palin reacts to these kinds of attacks, the more it is going to happen.  She has kids right?  At some point one would assume she has doled out the parental advice that goes something like, “Stop reacting to your older brother, it only makes him want to tease you more.”  The woman needs to take a lesson from parenting 101 and not only stop reacting to issues she clearly cannot control, but also to pick her battles.  That’s just good advice in general and I personally want her to pick her battles because I’m tired of hearing about her in the news.

If Palin had just left the issue alone, nobody would’ve cared.  She’s going to start a battle with Family Guy?  The show that runs once a week with millions of viewers and has proven that it can pretty much say whatever it wants with little censorship?  What is she going to do, lobby Fox to kick it off the air just because she’s a newly minted contributor?  Right because no other network would pick up that show in a heartbeat if Fox dropped it.

The real point is that, as someone who is toying with the notion of running for president, she should not recognize petty teasing from a show like Family Guy.  They punk everyone.  It’s like playing basketball against Lebron James: you know he’s going to score 30 points, so you give him his 30 points and guard everyone else.

Yet this is about something bigger.  Sarah Palin is her own worst enemy.  She cannot keep her mouth shut and when she opens it what comes out unfailingly undermines her position.  She has all these supporters that back her and whip up a frenzy, but when it comes time to deliver she shoots herself in the foot.  I know many republicans that stepped in the voting booth  during the last presidential election, looked at the McCain/Palin ticket and said, “I just cannot vote for her,” and either voted for Obama or did not vote at all.

Even George W. Bush was not as inept.  At the very least he grasped the fact that he was a buffoon and did not speak unless told to do so by his handlers.  I can see the first meeting between Bush, Cheney and Rove prominently featuring a lecture on the finer points of puppetry.  But Palin does not have a Rove and even if she did, I’m not sure he could stop her verbal /social media diarrhea.

This of course is a good thing.  If Palin does run for President, which would be tragic, her uncanny ability to make herself sound ignorant and tactless, as in the case of the Family Guy episode comments, will derail her.  Folks will still go to the voting booths and have to look at her name on the ballot at which point they will realize that for all the Hollywood-like drama and pettiness that captivates audiences, Sarah Palin is the star of a reality show rather than a viable presidential candidate.

Or maybe they won’t realize that, at which point I will be leaving the country.

-The Wanderboy

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Palin article link: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20100217/ap_on_en_tv/us_palin_family_guy

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Much Ado About Retarded

Posted on 17 February 2010 by Spatziano

By Joshua M. Patton

Will.I.Am is responsible for some catchy music.  The Black Eyed Peas were an underground guilty pleasure and then they added Fergie to the lineup and got it started.  They had a number of hits but one indelible track became ubiquitous throughout the culture and remains a go-to song in the effort to ad enthusiasm to a situation.  I am referring to “Let’s Get It Started,” from the album Monkey Business released not too long ago, but it is hard to imagine what life was like before we had this song to ramp up the energy for sports, political candidates, and any number of sad corporate functions.  What might surprise a lot of hip parents and school administrators is that on the actual, uncensored album the song is called “Let’s Get Retarded.”  One doesn’t truly see what Fergie adds to the group until she opens the song with a soulful rendering of the song title.  It’s far from offensive and might even be a little sexy.

There has been a lot of discussion about the term “retarded,” and its use in the current vernacular.  Rahm Emanuel, cut from the same cloth as his superagent brother Ari who is fictionalized in Jeremy Piven’s character in Entourage, is the White House Chief of staff and was caught saying that a group of Democrats were “fucking retards,” and Sarah Palin took to the bully pulpit and demanded his resignation in the name of her son Trig.  I imagine that she is doing this because if Trig were aware of the word Rahm Emanuel used and its history, he would feel offended.  Or perhaps it is that the word’s mere existence means that this poor child may someday be made fun of on the playground?  Fuck that.  If you don’t want your child to be made fun of, don’t name him Trig.

None of this would be unexpected and, given the current level of backbone the Democrats seem to lack, Rahm might have had to be worried about his job.  Then ‘lo and behold out of the sky comes a great glob of heart attack wrapped up in a man’s skin, Rush Limbaugh.  I am not going to dig up the actual quote, but he sprang to the defense of the Chief of Staff by saying that he called it like it was.  He was agreeing with Emanuel in that these Democrats, along with many others, are, in fact, retarded.  Sarah Palin deflected an uncomfortable question about the Red Mouthpiece by claiming that he was being satirical.  While Rush is known to skullfuck the genre of satire from time to time, this particular statement seemed to be coming from what in any other person would be called “the heart.”

That display of hypocrisy from whatever it is that Sarah Palin is (candidate, future chairperson of the RNC, Greta Van Sustren’s replacement?), undermines her credibility with anyone who takes politicians seriously and can look past their desire to fuck her.  I personally do not see what all the fuss is about, but I am more into Meghan McCain when I think of sexy Republicans, but I digress.  All in all this is a silly distraction that is the by-product of a permanent election/campaign mentality and the encouragement of the 24-hour a day media.  There is no time for reasoned thought or measured responses to anything in this age of tweeting your skype all over someone’s facebook.

There seem to be three multiple choice responses to these sort of jaw-dropping moments where the life in Washington begins to mirror things that happen at grocery stores or in mall parking lots.  The first response is outrage and denouncing any and all parties involved whether it is your place to do so or not.  The second response is to hedge the reaction so that it appears to be based on misinformation that may be hurtful to the celebridate.  The third is to completely ignore the issue and send out surrogates to fill up the airways with reactions ranging from red-faced raging to reasonable political verbal fencing.

Sarah Palin seems to think she can have it all three ways.  Her response to Emanuel’s comments were of total outrage and demanded that he step down, because there is nothing that can’t be expected from a wicked, vulgar, non-Christian, shyster like him as evidenced by his use of an antiquated medical term to describe a bunch of old whore legislators that were trying to sell their votes for some sweet earmarks for their districts.  However, Rush Limbaugh would sooner tell Sarah Palin to fuck off than apologize for saying retarded because Rush is the most important political voice Rush Limbaugh has ever heard.  Does the word “retarded” even really refer to actual people who have special needs anymore?  My 8-year old is in class with a girl that has Down’s Syndrome, and I was shocked to hear her describe something the other day as “retarded.”  As always when she says a word I don’t want to her get into the habit of saying, I asked her what she thought that word meant.  I don’t remember her definition, but it was so far off from what my understanding was of the word that I have to wonder at what point does the meaning of a word change?

For example, many children’s shows use the term, “dork,” and I imagine that over half of the people responsible for the content don’t realize that dork is another word for penis.  Also, it has been accepted into the realm of family comedy that saying “Duh” after someone says something stupid is not only acceptable but pretty much always funny (pending of course on the delivery and timing, but I digress yet again).  I am sorry to say, but that term is also an affront to the special needs community, whose speech patterns are affected by their condition, and that if one were wishing to mock them, saying “duh” would be appropriately cruel.

Finally, Sarah Palin compared this word to the word “nigger” and how it relates to the African-American community.  Jesus jumped up in a helicopter and shot a wolf, this woman is actually going to go THERE.  But yet, newscasters merely wore that frowny face while still shaking their heads up and down in approval, and let that slip by to drive the narrative about the mean Jew Democrat that hates retards down the maw of the Joe Q. Unemployment.  All in an effort to keep an irrelevant woman in the headlines because the Republicans still have no fucking clue how they can beat Obama in 2012, but know they have a real shot at taking back the Congress and need somebody to put on TV.

John Mayer is swimming in a vat of shit recently over comments he made in an interview to Playboy.  While I have not read the full text, he is taking flak for saying that “if you really had a hood pass you’d call it a nigger pass,” and that “my dick is like a white supremacist.”  From the little context given, I would be willing to bet that the point I believe he was trying to make was overshadowed by his use of the word and then the second line is perhaps a bad joke or sarcasm gone wrong.  To his point from the first quote though, it seemed as if he was saying that as a white person he will never know what it is like to be black and deal with the racism that is harder to qualify than the use of the vilest racial epithet.

Or term of endearment?  One of the brilliant things that happened, perhaps completely unintentionally is that what was perhaps the cruelest reminder of the bloody racial history in this country has become a word that means something totally different and that white kids, like John Mayer, wish they were able to say but it will never be acceptable.  The word was the weapon of the white man for a long time, but it had simultaneously been stripped of its hatred by some in the African-American community and used as a playfully derisive term for one of their own (a la Raisin in the Sun) into a term of endearment (a la the Wu-Tang Clan).  And it is a word that white kids across America would love to be able to use in that context, even going so far as to drop the “-er” from the word and replacing it with the much more friendly-sounding “a.”  This change in perception is captured beautifully in the Dave Chappelle Show skit about the blind, black white supremacist who calls a group of white kids in a car listening to rap “niggers” and they are elated by this.

While I don’t think that “retarded” compares to “nigger” in what it means as a hurtful term in the American lexicon, and it was shameful for Palin as a rich white lady to even try to draw the comparison, I do think that the way to change the perception of the meaning of the word does compare to what I described above.  I think that perhaps a more effective stance for any maligned group is to take ownership of the word and throw it right back in a bigot’s face to show them how little power it has.  I tell my daughter often that words only have the power we give them and if you can’t hijack the word’s negative meaning and make it something semi-positive, then at least refuse to allow the word to carry the weight that you give it.  If Rahm Emanuel needs to resign, it will be for an offense far worse than a vulgar tongue I’d be willing to wager.  Sarah Palin can do far better things for the special needs community than using them as a slingshot to shoot manure at her political opponents.  Rush Limbaugh is really just a tiresome oaf that was just lucky enough to find a field in which he can earn a living from the fits of rage that plague most of the ex-junkies I know.  To quote Chris Griffin, from that Sunday night American Institution Family Guy, when he was breaking up with his girlfriend that had Down’s Syndrome, “I used to hear that people like you were different.  Well, you’re not different at all; you’re just a bunch of assholes like everyone else.”  Res Ipsa Loquitur.

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