By Hot Mama
I’m eternally haunted by a story that mother-in-law has told me many times, more times than I would like to hear.
She was picking up my husband from Kindergarten and his teacher yelled to her across the parking lot “Mrs. Davidson! Mrs. Davidson, I need to talk to you!” When the teacher approached, she said “You know that Kindergarten is NOT mandatory, right?” and then proceeded to discuss my husband’s difficult behavior while my mother-in-law listened, overwhelmed and mentally exhausted. I mean, seriously, who isn’t welcome in Kindergarten?
The reason the story haunts me is that I know this is my future. I feel like I’ve tried so hard to raise a child more like me – always the teacher’s pet, quiet, good listener, always willing to help. Starting at about the age of 12 months, I was told by my child’s daycare provider that he was hitting and pushing his friends. Every morning when we drove to school I would have the same discussion with him “Do we hit Ava? No. Do we hit Evan? No. Do we hit Lukas? No. Do we hit Jia? No.” I was constantly told that it was a phase, that as he got older it would end. The pediatrician recommended time outs. I’ve bought every potentially helpful book out there, including No Hitting and Hands are Not for Hitting, and Let’s Share. To my sheer disappointment, none of these books have helped. My son loves to read them, he will often ask for the No Hitting book, it’s a bedtime favorite. Likewise, none of my conversations have made a difference. If I ask my son whether it’s ok to hit his friends, he will respond with “No, it’s not okay.” The next day, he will hit or push someone.
Today my fears came true. I went to pickup my son and he was outside playing. I asked the teacher how his day was. She proceeded to tell me how he had been pushing the girls in class all day. Specifically, he pushed the smallest girl in the neck and she fell into a bookcase, nearly knocking the wind out of her. I almost cried. I walked outside to where he was. The other teacher came up to me and said “you know, I wrote on his report card but he has been pushing his friends a lot today, and I wanted to talk to you about what happened….” Thank god I was wearing sunglasses or I would have started bawling right there. I said to her “I know, the other teacher already told me all the details.” I got my son and I think she noticed I was bummed about it because she said “he had a really nice apology, with a big hug and it was really nice.” Hmm, I guess at least he knows how to say he’s sorry? When we got to the car, I said “Did you hit your friends today?” He replied “Yes.” I said “Is it ok to hit your friends?” He replied, “No, it is not okay.” So the concepts are there but for some reason, they are not sticking.
Given everything I have been through, I wasn’t surprised to come home only to have the madness continue. My son pushed his little brother over onto his head on the bathroom tile. Then, as I gave them baths together, he stood up and peed right on his little brother’s head. This prompted me to give him a time out, take away Thomas the Train for the night, and have several conversations on how we don’t push our brother or pee on our brother. Will this work? I don’t know, based on my historical experience I am not counting my chickens.
